Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
