we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
wow bdsm is so cute
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
