I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
