we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
