i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Damn victory sex feels great
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
