I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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