i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
