you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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