Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
