he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
