I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So much Jack, so little girl.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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