just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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