that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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