and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
