My sheets look like a crime scene.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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