I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
