she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
