this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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