I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
