Please, let me fuck your mom
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
God I need to hump something, right now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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