im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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