Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
