Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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