I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
