i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
