This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
