I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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