He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
