If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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