never play flip cup with pint glasses
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
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