And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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