It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
