man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He? As in you personified your dick?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize