I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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