I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
