i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
