bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dicks are not precious.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
