I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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