Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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