Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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