I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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