I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
