Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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