Define "chronic" masturbator.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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