There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
