these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize