matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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