So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
