just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
