I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
