I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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