I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
