so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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