Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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