you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
