You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
