Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
