you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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