kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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