I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
