I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
