Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
