did you get engaged???
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize