we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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