Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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