I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
