hotel room ftw
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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