its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
