How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
