Can i not drive my cunt home
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
