Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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