No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
