I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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