Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
