like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize