Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
