well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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