you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
