you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
