Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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