Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
