get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize