if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
