i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
