I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
