Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
