When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
