I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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